Life goes on....

So, things with dh have been.... pretty okay. He's really trying hard to be nicer all the time. Sure we have a few issues, but nothing like it was. The smallest thing will make me literally shut down. If he hurts me (mentally, not physically) or ticks me off, I just shut him out. That in turn pisses him off more. lol Sometimes I wonder if I am being passive agressive with him. Is that the right term? He thinks I stay so quiet just to piss him off, but I dont. The funny thing is that he just gets angrier and angrier. Then at that point I can turn around and say "what did I do to deserve being called a fucking bitch? I was quiet? Yeah, that makes me such a bitch!" lol

In reality I stay quiet cause if I open my mouth I will scream and swear and all hell would break loose. I feel like me head will explode when i get so angry at him.

Want to hear something funny? One thing that dh and I have always been good at is sex. lol We have always had amazing and wild sex. I have been putting him off and only getting close to him when I'm really horny. lol Otherwise I have some great BOB's. lol Anyway, I actually let him get close to me the last two nights and well.... it sucked. lol Not totally sucked, but since I've been with-holding it from him he has no staying power. Whenever I would get close he would have to pull-out and relax for a few. UGH!

My depression.... I just feel like I am so fucked up. Like if I ever told my dh how I really feel he will put me into the looney bin. lol
I hate that my house is a mess. I just dont feel like cleaning it. Its not horrible, but the toys and shit just laying around. Shit piles up on the tables. lol

I often think that i wouldnt care if I died. not that I would kill myself. i just wouldnt care if something happened to me... car accident.... disease... whatever....

So, I'm crazy huh? Your probably reading this thinking "wtf?" right? lol

I used to be a big part old BBC. I wanted to go anonymous after the change. I felt like I had been giving too much info on myself. This way I can speak my mind and not care. Not that I have big opinions or anything. lol I know many people thought I was a troll at first. I assure you I am not.