Not really sure what I'm blogging about today.
I'm feeling pretty low. I lied to dh and told him I'm sick. I just feel like crap, but its more like depression crap. Ya know those commercials that say "depression hurts"? Well, thats me. My depression is my illness right now. I hate myself. I hate the way i look. I'm so fucking fat. I'm sick of myself. But I cant even control myself. I feed my fucking face all day long. And not with anything healthy. I eat so much crap and junk its disgusting. I am addicted to coke. i drink way too much everyday.
This morning I forced myself to take my meds. Then I also took my diet pills that I ordered online last year. They make me thirsty and not hungry at all. So far its helped me get in a lot of water. I just dont know if the diet pills are okay with my other meds. I really dont even care. i just want to lose weight.
Yes, i know I should be exercising. I should be doing the wii fit that i promised dh would help me lose weight. It wont work if I dont use it. Instead I would rather spend all day on BBC or playing Animal crossing on the Wii. I have no ambition to do anything. my house really needs a scrub down. But i just dont care.
Dh is an idiot. We're supposed to be working on our marriage, but we're not. We went on an outing yesterday and he told me he brought the kids heavy coats. When we got to our destination he had brought dd's spring jacket. It was freezing cold and windy and all she had was a spring jacket for our outing. This after she has been sick and is still hacking her brains out. GRRRRR!!!!
Lord help me.
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